Monday, July 25, 2016

Dining Review: 7-11

More Bang for Your Dining Buck: The 7-11 Food Review 

Looking for a smorgasbord? A garden of gastronomical delights? A place where culinary variety is truly the spice du jour and you can get your every hunger, of the food and drink variety, sated? No, you say? Well then move on to the next window in your browser, you anorexic thing, you.

For those of us who enjoy the finer things in life, especially when it comes to food in its many varieties, read on.

Now, some of you might be thinking, as I tease you with visions of a cornucopia of foodstuffs that I’m talking about some swank establishment like Old Country Buffet. Perish the thought, children!

If you’re really hungry, on a budget, and want a bevy of choices laid tantalizingly before you, look no further than the friendly, fluorescent-lit environs of your nearest 7-11. True, the atmosphere is often one of hustle and bustle, and there’s nary a table to be found in the joint. But you can make your selection, have it rung up, and devour it right there on the curb in the parking lot in a matter of minutes!

In this instant, microwaved millennium, what could be more appealing?

Need breakfast? 7-11 is there for you. Head to the deli area, grab an artfully (and hygienically!) wrapped egg salad sandwich, then head over to the cooler and pick up a quart of Schlitz and you’re on your way! Hangover begone! If something more saccharine is to your taste, check out the glass case of donuts, éclairs and other yummy sweet treats. One, two or more of these confections is sure to set your energy level to hummin’!

If noon rolls around and you haven’t yet eaten, there’s no better place to stuff your gullet. The aforementioned deli section is always stocked with an assortment of sandwiches and, for the health conscious, salads. Pair that up with a bag of red hot pork skins, or a sack of Cheetos and a Slurpy and you’ve got yourself a balanced meal, Mister!

And, after you’ve eaten, choose from any one of every existing cigarette brand to top off your meal.

And who says you need a fancy sit-down establishment for dinner? Not my pocketbook, that’s for sure! 7-11 offers freshly heated hot dogs, bagel dogs and more…they’re grillin’ all day long, so you don’t have to wait for the six o’clock dinner bell to chime. A delicious assortment of Twix, Snickers, and Reese Cups makes for a sublime dessert.

The fun doesn’t stop at the three squares you can get at the store whose façade you’ll find in the dictionary next to “convenient.” If you don’t want to eat in the parking lot or near a handy Dumpster, where you can responsibly dispose of your refuse, you can take home a plethora of healthy eats like Dinty Moore beef stew, Van Camps Pork and Beans and everybody’s favorite—Spaghetti-o’s. 7-11. It adds up to perfection.

Bon apetit!


  1. I have done a slurp as a child but can only testifY to their bottles of auquafine. Which taste fine if your distiller is on the blitz.

  2. I have done a slurp as a child but can only testifY to their bottles of auquafine. Which taste fine if your distiller is on the blitz.