Hop Against Homophobia & Transphobia: The Signifiant Difference Between Gay Marriage and Straight

Today is the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia and myself, along with many other writers, are blogging about, basically fear, tolerance, and acceptance. I have chosen marriage equality as my topic, because, as a gay man who was legally able to wed (something I never thought I'd be able to do) at the end of last year, the topic is near and dear to my heart. And my husband's! 

Be sure to check out all the other blogs today and prepare yourself for some fascinating reading! See the complete list below.

WE HAVE A WINNER FOR BASHED! My Boston terrier, Lily, randomly chose Erica Pike as the winner of the free copy of my hate crime love story. Congrats, Erica! I will e-mail you your copy.

BONUS! Leave a comment on the post below, and you will be entered to win a FREE copy of my novel, BASHED,

which is a love/ghost story revolving around a horrendous hate crime and how a survivor, through the power of love, begins to heal. Winners will be announced to May 27. Leave an e-mail so I can contact you if you won and get you your book!

Okay. Enough intro stuff. Here's my post:

The Significant Difference between Gay Marriage and Straight Marriage
 By Rick R. Reed

In December, when my partner and I became husband and husband (one of the first in Washington State to do so—hooray for Washington!), people asked us if we felt different. At first, it seemed like a question from out in left field. After all, Bruce and I had been together and pledged to one another for a decade already when we said our vows.

But it did feel different. It’s hard to explain, but once we had the rings on our fingers and our friends had witnessed our simple yet heartfelt ceremony, a sea change did occur in our relationship. We both felt more committed, like more of a family. I can’t explain it, but I bet a lot of married people out there will understand the simple difference.

It was a very nice change—and one that took me a little bit by surprise. But this got me to thinking about another difference. What’s the difference between gay marriage and straight marriage? Aside from the obvious gender thing, what separates gay marriage from straight?

I wasn’t sure. I could tell you how it was the same:

• It was two people in love, pledging their lives to one another. 
• It was a commitment entered into joyfully and with the intention of staying together for the rest of our lives. 
• It was predicated on the idea that we would share everything—meaning, to paraphrase the classic vows—the good times, the bad ones, the sick ones, the healthy ones, the rich and the poor ones. 
• It made both of us know that we had a family in the other, someone with whom we would share celebrations and hard times, vacations, holidays, and life events. 
• It represented a commingling of our two heretofore separate families, both of which welcomed us, as they always had, with open arms and treating us both as though we were blood. 
• It meant that our house was a home. 
• It meant that certain things might not be celebrated, but they would be tolerated—impatience, grumpiness, how we look first thing in the morning, to name but a few. 
• It let us imagine an old age where we would not be alone. 
• It let us picture a future into which we might jump, hand-in-hand, with fewer questions and worries.
• It meant that my treasures were his and his were mine. 
• It meant that we could rely on each other. 
• It meant that we loved each other, above all others. 

So what was the difference? I wondered. And then it hit me: here is the difference between gay marriage and straight (scroll down):





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(You can stop scrolling now. Get the picture?)

I saw a meme on Facebook once, those clever sayings presented as a picture and it said: Gay marriage, or, as I like to call, it—marriage.

And that’s key.