Wednesday, July 1, 2009

10 Silly Questions with Helen Madden

Helen Madden is a devil. No, seriously, just check out her picture. And, if you don't believe that, check out her writing. And if you don't believe that, check out her answers to my silly questions...

1. If you could invite any famous person, dead or alive, for dinner, what would you eat?
You mean aside from the famous person? Because I really can't think of any good reason to invite a famous person over to my house unless I'm going to pop them in the oven and make a fabulous roast out of them. I mean really, if I invite someone famous over with the intent to FEED them as opposed to EAT them, I'd have to clean the whole house, and who has time for that? My god, I'd have to scrub the toilets! Ugh. No way. I'd cook the famous person, because lord knows they probably don't deserve to be famous as much as I do. And when I get famous, I am never, EVER, accepting any invitations to dinner. Period.

2. Who do you think you are?
I thought I was Amelia Earhart once, but I get air sick when I fly, so that's out. I could have been Salvador Dali -- I have this thing for floppy watches -- but I can't get my mustache to stand up like his did. Maybe I'm Bugs Bunny? Oh, wait! I know! I'm Rick Reed! Nah, who wants to be THAT guy?

3. What’s your problem?
You! You are my problem Rick, and you know it! If I could, I'd reach through my keyboard right now and bitch slap you! Yes I would! Except that maybe you'd enjoy it, and want some more, and quite frankly that's a relationship I'm not ready to get into. Yet.[RR: When you're ready, Helen, I am waiting...patiently.]

4. If you could have one wish, would you give it to me?
Only if I get to define the terms of the wish, sweet cheeks. };D Dear Genie, I wish Rick would turn into a box turtle so I could flip him on his back and...

5. Where you at?
Physically? Mentally? Spiritually? Any one you choose, I'm way ahead of you, pal. Eat my dust!

6. If you had to choose only one vice, what would it be?

7. What’s your favorite brand of cereal?
This question is booooooooorrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnng! Come on, ask me something challenging, like what would I do with my favorite cereal if I found out it could grant perverted magic powers. Now **that's** a good question! [RR: Obviously, Helen has some serious issues with cereal. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that Kelloggs has yet to make one for CANNIBALS.]

8. When you wake up in the morning, what celebrity do you most resemble?
Depends on who I ate the night before. Burp.

9. Do you know your ass from a hole in the ground? And if so, how do you tell the difference?
Things go into one, and come out of the other. Do you need a diagram? I could draw one, but it'd be pretty disgusting.

10. Do you have anything you’d like to plug?
Is question 10 by any chance related to question 9? Again, I could draw you that diagram...

Seriously though, plug these:
FUTURE PERFECT, a collection of speculative fiction erotica, takes the question of "What if..." and goes one step beyond. From the distant future to a mythical past and everything in between, FUTURE PERFECT examines the role of sex in a fantastic world. The stories range from hard science fiction to classic horror and urban fantasy, but through it all runs a thread of explicit sexuality that embraces every orientation and relationship imaginable. Whether it's the force of cosmic creation or the deceitful lure of sin, FUTURE PERFECT takes sex beyond the limits of the everyday to celebrate it on a universal scale.
FUTURE PERFECT is available in print and e-book from Logical Lust Publications.

And if you crave even more speculative fiction erotica, join Helen E. H. Madden every week for the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast. Heat Flash is a free weekly program of erotic short stories, available in MP3 format. If you love sci-fi, fantasy, or horror, you'll lust for them after you listen to Heat Flash! Download episodes to play on your MP3 player or listen on your computer.

Helen E. H. Madden is a writer and artist whose works have appeared in the Erotica Readers and Writers Association galleries and in the "Coming Together" anthologies. Helen produces the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast and draws "The Adventures of Cynical Woman" webcomic. When not working, Helen thinks about sex. A lot.


  1. Boy, she gave it to you, Rick! lol That was terrific, Helen. This was the perfect thing to read after having just gotten up.

  2. I do too, about time someone faced these dumb questions and told it like it is. Good work Helen, keep it up ;)))

  3. Loved it....I get interviewed enough to hate the same questions over and over. Maybe I can get up enough nerve to answer just like this....

  4. Hi Helen,

    Great answers. It's nice to see Rick on the run for a change. LOL


  5. LOL too too funny! and happy Birthday RICK!!

  6. LOLOL! Love the answers! Love the horns too, very nice *g*

  7. Thanks to everyone for the comments! Rick was a very good sport letting me answer his questions. I've done a few interviews lately, but I have to admit, this one was the most fun. It's always good to have some oddball questions to answer however you like.

    You rock, Rick!

  8. Thanks to everyone for your comments, and especially thanks to Rick! He was a very good sport about letting me answer these questions in my own fashion. I've done a few interviews in the past several weeks, and I have to say, I much prefer to answer such off the wall questions and just cut loose.

    You rock Rick!