Thursday, November 8, 2012

We're Getting Married!

Yesterday was a historic day for four states in the US. Three states (our own Washington, Maryland, and Maine) approved marriage equality at the polls--a clean sweep and the first time in history same-sex marriage in the US has been approved by voters). And Minnesota, while not approving same-sex marriage, REJECTED the possibility of adding a constitutional amendment that would define marriage as between only one man and one woman. Thank God that kindness, fairness, and compassion prevailed in the elections. I see the tide turning.

It was a historic day for my partner, Bruce, and me as well. Although we have been "married" in every sense of the word for the last decade, we have never been able to make it legal anywhere we lived. Now we can... and we're officially engaged--and thinking about wedding dates, rings, and stuff like that.

Honestly, it was a day I never imagined coming.

Behind every marriage is a terribly romantic story of how the couple got engaged, right? For those of you who want to know just how romantic our story was, I will share it with you. Get out the tissues and prepare to have your hearts warmed!

Here's how we got engaged yesterday: Bruce called me from his office. "I'm going to change my status on Facebook to "engaged", is that okay with you? I mean, I assume you'd say yes, but just wanted to be sure."

I came back with, "Of course. I'll do the same."

And we hung up. Kind of gives you chills, right?

But it was romantic--for us--because it was represented a watershed moment in the history of our love. We could finally, finally get engaged to be married and have it be legal. That's huge. And I think it took several hours after that phone call (and literally, and surprisingly, hundreds of congratulatory messages on Facebook, which tickled us to our toes and warmed our hearts completely) for the reality to sink in.

Bruce and I can get married. Legally. It is still hard to believe. See, when I came out, some two decades ago, I never even imagined gay marriage as a possibility. Even as recently as when my son came out to me (ten years ago), I thought I would never dance at his wedding (but I did! in Montreal, three years ago). I accepted the status quo--marriage was not for gay people. We had lovers, or boyfriends, or girlfriends, not husbands and wives.

But things began to change and people--myself included--began to see that everyone should have the civil right to marry the person whom they love. Why would anyone be against that? Love is love.


And I love my Bruce. And I am happy-to-tears that one day soon, I will call him, in every sense of the word, husband.

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99 comments:

  1. We're happy-to-tears for you both, Rick! I can't tell you how big the smile on my face was when I saw your facebook update. It's those little things--no, they're huge things!--that make the difference in the world.

    Congratulations to you both!!

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  2. Thanks so much, Poppy. You need to meet my Bruce one day soon.

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  3. I'm so happy for you both ! Here's wishing you two many more years of love, joy and good dining experiences :D

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  4. Congratulation! So happy for you both as well. Live long and prosper. =)

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  5. i am so happy for you. congratulations. may the recent elections be a sign of more progress and acceptance to come!

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  6. This makes me so happy, and gives me hope that someday in my part of the country this might change as well. We'll keep working towards it at any rate. Much love to you and your Bruce, Rick! Love is stronger than hate, always. I'm so glad three more states proved it!

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  7. Why are you so eager to adopt the heterosexual model? Could it be that you're ashamed to stand tall, proud, and gay, and tell society you don't need their Good Housekeeping seal of approval. Shame on you.

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    1. Shame on you for pissing on our happiness. We're just overjoyed that we can commit ourselves to one another formally and have it recognized legally--AND be entitled to the same civil rights as every other citizen. We do stand tall, proud, gay and soon--married.

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    2. Hey anonymous, being gay shouldn't dictate one's destiny, dreams, and choices in life. Deciding for oneself how to identify and present one's family publicly is exactly what it means to stand tall and proud - and to be a free and equal citizen. Maybe you think gay folks need to construct some alternative family narrative precisely because of your shame - because you don't feel worthy of laying claim to the same status and recognition for your family that everyone else gets to take for granted. Why don't you let go of your shame, and if you can't do that, then at least have the decency to stop throwing it at my family, you jerk.

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    3. Hey anon, don't be a bigot. There is nothing necessarily hetero about getting married, nor especially homo about living together without marriage. My own brother and his female SO have lived together without benefit of marriage for more than 20 years. Shall I deride them for following the "homosexual model"?? I think not! Instead, I congratulate them for their commitment to each other in whatever form they may choose to express it -- just as I congratulate Rick and celebrate with him for his ability to fulfill HIS desire to express HIS commitment. So, Anon, get over yourself.

      Rick -- a great big congratulations to you and Bruce. I think people need to see the human face on these HUMAN rights issues. It isn't just a concept, it's a living breathing human being. I hope you enjoy your wedding and your lives together!

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  8. Very nice, hope you have many years together. Hmm, in this marriage which one is the virgin bride? Just kidding, just kidding ;)

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  9. @Anonymous - You're so unashamed "to stand tall, proud, and gay, and tell society you don't need their Good Housekeeping seal of approval," that you couldn't even own you comment? Shame on you for coming on here and pissing on Rick's parade.

    Having said that, Rick and Bruce, many blessings to you. Tuesday was a historic day and showed those who would call themselves the "Moral Majority" that they're most definitely in the minority.

    Much love to you both!

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  10. Congratulations to you both! You look so happy together, and deserve the joy of saying it loud and proud and legal.

    I'm excited about the changes our nation is going through regarding equality, and I hope you're the first in a long line of couples able to take advantage of all these legalities offer, even if you've been married in your heart for a long time.

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  11. Congratulations Rick and Bruce! I am so happy for you both. *hugs*

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  12. Congratulations, Rick and Bruce. It has been far too long coming. I wish you many years of love, joy, and happiness.

    Hugs,
    Brita

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  13. I've got tears in my eyes, Rick, I'm so thrilled for you and all the other gay couples who can now become legally married! The engagement over Facebook was particularly touching ;)

    I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to link to this post on my blog today. It's just too awesome not to share!

    HUGE CONGRATS!!!

    xo
    Liz

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    1. Link away, Elizabeth. I'm very proud!

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  14. So will it be a gala affair? I've always felt that weddings (as opposed to marriages) were overdone, overspent, ostentatious... But, on the other hand, a same-sex marriage is a victory celebration as well as lifelong commitment of the love between two people. However you choose to tie the knot, I want pictures. Congratulations!

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  15. Absolutely thrilled for the both of you!! Long time in coming and so glad to get to see the changes happening for the better. Wishing you both the best from Texas!

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  16. Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you and Bruce. I wish every state would allow same sex marriages.

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  17. Congratulations!! I am so thrilled for the both of you and I got goosebumps reading your post. It is finally happening, reason and the human heart are winning their way over narrow-minded bigotry at last.

    I wish you both every happiness. By the way, you will share the wedding pics right? LOL

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  18. Hugs! I wish you both many more years of happiness together. :)

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  19. YAY! :D Congratulations Rick and Bruce!!

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  20. So very happy for you both, Rick! Congratulations!

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  21. Congrats Rick and Bruce!
    Love your engagement story!
    So glad your elections were so successful in many ways

    Suze

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  22. Congrats!!! So happy for you both!!! :) And I love your engagement story, just love it. lol

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  23. Rick & Bruce,

    A heartfelt congratulations to you both! Getting married honestly introduces a couple to a whole new adventure that brings you together in the most romantic way. =) Have the most fun with it you can. Do everything with it you can. Celebrate it with everything you have.

    Sending you both big hugs,

    Kage

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  24. this made me cry - i'm so happy for you and Bruce, Rick. Can't wait to hear all the pre-wedding tales

    Dee

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  25. Such wonderful news Rick. Love is TRULY love! I wish you both the best!

    :D

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  26. Congratulations Rick and Bruce. I am so happy for you. Wishing you nothing but joy and love.

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  27. I'm thrilled for you both!

    Pictures, or it didn't happen! Heh.

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  28. Congratulations - so pleased for you both :) Hope you have a wonderful time planning it all and that the day itself goes beautifully :)
    Best wishes for the future

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  29. So happy for you two. Yes, it did give me chills reading about the phone call. You two just get each other. True soul mates. Congrats!

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  30. congratulations! I only hope this is the beginning for the rest of the states. I was waiting to see what MD would do. I didn't know that WA was also deciding that, along with Maine.

    I am so happy for you!

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  31. Congratulations, Rick, to both you and Bruce. I'm delighted you two have a chance to celebrate your love and be afforded some of the same civil rights many have come to take for granted. I dearly hope that one day soon our nation will recognize on a federal level that all citizens deserve equal rights.

    And, of course, whatever day you and Bruce choose to celebrate both your love for one another and your state recognizing your status as full citizens worthy of the same rights afforded to others... May it be bright, and beautiful, and filled with naught but joy.

    ~~Cherie Noel

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  32. Congrats to you both! I am Tickled for both of you and hope that your special day is everything you both envisioned and so much more


    Silver Pixies

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  33. Congratulations. Hope you have many, many years of happiness.

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  34. Once again congrats to you both I'm so happy for you both and so proud of my home state :-) I'm really so glad for you guys and even if someone doesn't want to get married that's fine but it's that you have a choice to do it now if you want to, that's what I think is so great:-) Good luck to you both. Also it was so great meeting you at GRL you're so sweet:-)

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  35. I've never felt more joy and pride for two people I care about. Congratulations, Rick & Bruce. I do shed tears of joy for you.

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  36. Congratulations, Rick and Bruce. What a great day. I have never been so proud to be a Marylander!
    Melanie
    http://scatteredthoughtsandroguewords.com

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  37. Congratulations Rick and Bruce!
    I am so happy and excited for you both.
    Ken

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  38. Shoot, I am sitting here crying my eyes out...congratulations!! Your post is probably one of the purest, most heart felt ones I have read on gay marriage. I'm glad I have tissues. I hope you and Bruce remain as wonderfully happy as you are now (or more so)!

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  39. I am so happy for you and Bruce. I can't wait to see those rings!!! Those smiles will light up all of Seattle.

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  40. Oh, but you're totally threatening the sanctity of my het marriage. Now I'm going to have to leave my husband and marry some random woman, right?

    Seriously, this is wonderful news. Congratulations!

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  41. Congratulations to you and Bruce, Rick! I will...again...say that I hope for the day there is no distinction between marriage and gay marriage. That you and Bruce get to marry legally is outstanding! I wish you much happiness and am thrilled for you both! So many people take for granted the right to marry whom they love. I'm so very tearfully glad that you and Bruce have the opportunity and thank you voters! Maybe, some day, my state will recognize that all people should be equal and that gay people are NOT second-hand citizens, just as our country realized that years ago for others. Congratulations again, and much love for the future!! *hugs*

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  42. I've got tears in my eyes! I'm so excited for you and Bruce. And for everyone in Washington, Maryland, and Maine...and Minnesota. Finally...Finally, I'm seeing a light at the end of a tunnel...yes, that tunnel is still a long journey from completion, but I am so happy that some of my friends will be able to share the same rights that should be given freely...but winning the fight feels good, right?!? I can't tell you how happy I am that you and Bruce get to make that step legally. Congratulations again!!!

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  43. Congratulations, Rick, to you, and your Bruce! I am so thrilled for you both. And to everyone in the 4 states that voted the wonderful way they did.

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  44. This is so touching, I have the hugest lump in my throat. I hope the tide is indeed turning in the US, and hope for the same over here in the UK.
    Many congratulations to you both; you look so happy there.

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  45. Biggest congratulations to you two! You look absolutely wonderful with Bruce. I'm hoping Arizona will be next in a near-future. Neal and I've been engaged for a year and half, but can't do anything until AZ becomes legal. Big hugs!

    Zach

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  46. YAY!!! Congratulations, Rick & Bruce!

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  47. Congratulations to you both! I think it is wonderful that you and so many other couples can get married now.

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  48. Blessings on you both. Love, laughter, health, happiness, and most of all joy. Live well and love each other as long as you both shall live - and even after.

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  49. Here's to a world that's just that little bit brighter, because everyone deserves to lead a happy life however they see fit. I hope my own state will someday soon take that step toward a better future. Congratulations to you both, and I wish you nothing but happiness!

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  50. Ah, hell, I just woke up and now I have a lump in my throat the size of the whole United States. Believe me, it is a happy lump. Congratulations to the both of you.

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  51. Wonderful news. Congratulations and much happiness to you both :-)

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  52. So happy for you! What wonderful news :) Congratulations!

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  53. I think that is so incredibly cool and I hope some day to be able to do the same in my state. Many blessings to you.

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  54. Congratulations! I am so excited for you both. I want to see photos!

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  55. Congratulations, Rick and Bruce! You were the first one I thought of when it was looking clear Washington would approve 74. And your engagement story is just perfect. I am so very happy for the two of you! Big hugs to you both. :-)

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  56. Congratulations to the happy couple!

    And what a relief for Brad and Angie's kids, that someday soon their parents will be able to get married too, since they've long claimed they won't marry until everyone can! Grin.

    Seriously, love is love. That's how I raised my 4 kids and that's what I really believe. So happy for you both! Cheers!

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  57. lol! I love your engagement story! Sounds so like what Eth and I would do.

    I am so happy for you! Congrats, Rick!

    ~smooches~

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  58. Congratulations to both of you. I am excited for you both.

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  59. Mazel Tov!!! I am so thrilled that you and Bruce can share in all the wonderful things about marriage that so many people take for granted.
    let us know how the wedding plans proceed!

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  60. Many congratulations! What marvellous, heartlifting news :)

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  61. Congratulations! I’m so happy for you both. :)

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  62. Good on you! Congrats and best wishes. I am so happy for you both.

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  63. Congratulations on your engagement, Rick, and I wish you and Bruce many, many happy years together as husband and husband. I am so very happy for you! And, oh my, what a, um, heart-warming engagement tale that was :D *hugs*

    -Susan-

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  64. Some people don't "get" why the legal aspect is so important.
    Like you said, you've been "married" for more than a decade.
    I've seen the importance up close, both the positive and negative, because I live in country where marriage has been a possibility for same sex couples for years now . It changes things for the couple, but also for society as a whole and for the way people think about same-sex couples.
    I was so proud of the three states that turned in such a positive vote and happy for the many couples that will benefit.
    Congratulations Rick and Bruce.

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  65. So very happy for you both!! You two were constantly on my mind as coverage progressed on Tuesday night.

    Hope you see you both again very soon and give you my hugs and kisses in person! Until then, xoxoxoxoxo!! :D Love, Dev

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  66. Marriage is not just a hetero ritual, it has social, legal and cultural benefits that are tangible. Not to mention the spiritual and emotional perks. It's not a gay marriage, its a marriage. Period. Congratulations and best wishes!

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  67. Congratulations!!! So happy for you and Bruce and all the many, many others who can now get married.

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  68. First off "Anonymous" SHAME ON YOU!!!!! But what should we expect from someone that makes an anonymous Ignorant, Uneducated, Uninformed, Hurtful Comment on what is truly an Historic Day in US History for same-sex marriage by voters.

    Okkkk I could go on venting, but this is such a Happy Time!!!!!! I'm sooooooo thrilled for You & Bruce!!!!! Congratulations to You Both Rick!!!!! :) Don't let someone's ignorance spoil such Wonderful, Very Special Time for you Both.

    Thank You for sharing your Loving News with all of Us! Wishing You Both continued Love, Happiness & Health.....Please share pictures of your special day. :)
    Take Care,
    PaParanormalFan (Renee')

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  69. Many, many congratulations to you both!

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  70. Congratulations on your engagement Rick! I'm really happy for you both! I wish you both many happy and loving years together!

    I live in Maryland and that's what got me really excited to go vote this year.

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  71. Congrats Rick and Bruce! So happy for you both.

    *hugs*

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  72. I'm so happy for you and Bruce. I was thinking of you and all the other wonderful people who I've met over the years as I voted. I hope the change spreads quickly to all the other states. It's wonderful that you'll get to express your commitment to each other in the way that you want. Congrats Rick and Bruce. I wish you many, many more years of happiness.

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  73. Congratulations to both of you. Wishing you s lifetime of health and happiness.

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  74. Congratulations Rick and Bruce - may your life continue to be filled with joy and love in the years to come!

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  75. That totally rocks, congratulations to you and Bruce. I wish you much love and joy in the years to come!!!

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  76. Congratulations! Surprisingly considering I'm not a gay person and don't have any close close friends or family that are, the fact that you can get married now totally tears me up. I am hopeful that soon it will be the norm rather than an exception.

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  77. Congratulations Rick. I'm so happy for both of you. Please make sure you post up some wedding pictures afterwards :)

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  78. Rick, congratulations to you and Bruce, again. I wish for the two of you all the happiness, love, and joy of a long, full life together.

    xoxo
    Lexi

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  79. I think the proposal was amazingly romantic. It's like there was never even a question that you were already married, you could just make it official. We all know that FB IS the official site for accurate info! Your post brought me to tears. There is hope for the rest of the country! I am over the moon happy for you both. I think there might be a book in here somewhere?

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  80. Congrats! Seeing this makes my soul happy.

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  81. Congrats! That's so romantic! You should write romances lol. Actually I just downloaded my first Rick R Reed book, Rent, & I'm loving it! Looking forward to your backlist too.

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  82. For the third (fourth??) time, congrats Rick and Bruce (and Lily) ^.^

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  83. I cried I was so happy to hear those votes. The tides are definitely turning. I'm thrilled to read about your "romantic" proposal. Congratulations!

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  84. This made me tear up a little! I guess you could call me happy-to-tears, too. :)

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  85. I just learned this by happenstance and it fills my heart with joy for you both. CONGRATULATIONS, Rick and Bruce! May your special day be filled with all the joy you so richly deserve. What a wonderful, wonderful moment--thank you for sharing it with us!

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  86. woo hoo! I am so happy for you!!!! That is exciting! I hope it is the best day ever!

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  87. OMGOMGOMG... I'm late to say it but I am so happy for you!! Many, many congrats! I'm so happy for you guys I can cry!! lol...

    I'm so happy for you both!
    ~hugs~
    xoxo

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  88. It fascinates me when ever I read stories such as yours. One can feel the happiness exude from the words as one is reading them. I am so very happy that you guys found each other and wish for your souls to remain together for eternity.

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  89. I am so happy for you, but you know that and I am really hoping to be there. You and Bruce are very special to me and I consider it a privilege to have you in my life. And maybe we could have sausages at the wedding ha ha ha ha. I just cant be serious not even for a few sentences. I love you guys x

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    1. We really want you there, sausages or not.

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  90. I'm a little late, but congrats guys!

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  91. I'm very late in getting here, but please accept my well-wishes for you and Bruce. I eagerly await your posting wedding pictures! You two look so happy together.

    Like you, I'm thrilled that the American people voted for gay marriage. The times they are a changing, even if it took far too long.

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  92. Congrats to both of you! This is definitely awesome. :D

    The husband and I were on a long cruise over election day and I remember hearing (a bit late) about how things had come out. I was practically dancing around the ship for a while over Washington passing gay marriage -- I'm only a recent Washingtonian, but maybe this isn't a bad place to be from.

    Also agree about it being wonderfully significant that for the first time, voters have approved gay marriage. Things are definitely changing, and for the better.

    Best wishes to you and yours, and to all the other couples who can finally claim their rights. {{{}}}

    Angie, slowly catching up on 1000+ RSS feed entries

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