Mystery Author Joe De Marco and 10 Silly Questions

Last week, I had the chance to meet with mystery author Joseph R.G. De Marco for a few drinks at a local Seattle piano bar. Before getting blotto on rusty nails and making goo goo eyes at the pianist (Joe loves that word...pianist), he managed to get serious about being silly.

1. If you could invite any famous person, dead or alive, for dinner, what would you eat?

Justin Hartley. A Long Island Iced Tea or two to get started – well, to get him started. Then some food but not enough to make him sleepy. An exotic pasta with truffle sauce and lots of sausage. An avocado and celtuce salad. On the side: stuffed artichokes. Another stiff drink. Then dessert! Lots of lactose-free whipped cream, strawberries, and butterscotch sauce. And if I can get my face out of his… well… why don’t I just keep that between Justin and me? [The foodie in me wonders: what the hell is celtuce?]

2. Who do you think you are?

Good question. Sometimes I’m like a screen and you can see whatever you want to see on that screen. Fulfill your fantasies. Who would you like me to be?

3. What’s your problem?

I’m not rich. Yet.

4. If you could have one wish, would you give it to me?

No, I would not give you my wish. Honestly, would you give me yours? You’re a nice guy and all, but, we’re not on intimate terms and I couldn’t ever give you my wish. Besides, it’s mine, all mine. And I intend to keep it that way. [RR: Well then, my wish is for YOU to take a flying leap at the moon!]

5. Where you at?

Is that a metaphysical question? Because I’m really good with metaphysical. I went to Catholic school for sixteen long kinda metaphysical years, then worked in a Catholic school library. Metaphysically, where I’m at is in a quandary. Tough place to be, y’know? I used to be this carefree person who could…

What? Oh you meant where am I physically?

Oh, well, I was pretty good in Geography, too. So, let’s see: I’m sitting in my chair in an apartment on Locust Street in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania You want latitude and longitude? ‘Cause I can do that, too. It’s approximately thirty-nine degrees…

Not that either?

Well, how about the question of where we all are temporally. I mean, the new Star Trek would have us believe we aren’t anywhere, or maybe we are everywhere or anywhere. Unless we’re somewhere else, of course. I know. It’s confusing. Have a lie down.

As they say, wherever you go, there you are. So, here I am.

6. If you had to choose only one vice, what would it be?

I have lots of vices. So, I allowed the Academy to vote on what they thought was my main vice.

The envelope please. The winner is a tie: Food and Men, Men, MEN.

I’m a lustful glutton. It’s my vice and I’m stickin’ to it.

7. What’s your favorite brand of cereal?

If I say Shredded Wheat, you’ll think I’m bland (while I’m anything but). It’s crunchy comfort food. I could say Honey Bunches (that was the name of the guy who I woke up next to the other morning, and, well, I guess what happened would qualify him as breakfast). Or, I could say Froot Loops, ‘cause who doesn’t like fresh fruit?

8. When you wake up in the morning, what celebrity do you most resemble?

Remember that guy in high school, who, you really can’t remember his name because you couldn’t ever get close enough to find out, and if you had gotten close your mouth would’ve gone dry and you’d have only been able to stutter? The guy whose package was so invitingly bulgy and bouncy that your eyes always immediately dropped from his face to his crotch whenever you saw him. The guy whose skin had a smooth creamy complexion and all you wanted to do was lick and kiss and lick again. Remember that guy? Him. That’s what I look like when I get up in the morning.

But if you want celebrity lookalikes, depending on the day of the week, upon waking I can resemble Brad Pitt, Ryan Phillippe, Ben Barnes, Craig Horner, Chris Pratt, or Ian Somerhalder.

Then I look in the mirror.

9. Do you know your ass from a hole in the ground? And if so, how do you tell the difference?

Yes, I know the difference. Of course I do.

I’ve never fallen into my own ass. There’s one difference right there.

10. Do you have anything you’d like to plug?

Heh, heh., heh. Where do I start?

I’ll start with my book, Murder on Camac, a mystery that has just been released, published by Lethe Press and you can find out more here or here.

I’d also like to give a nice plug to my online mystery magazine which is very gay friendly, Mysterical-E.

Joseph R.G. De Marco divides his time between Philadelphia and Montréal. He’s been editor of The Weekly Gayzette and New Gay Life, and now is editor of Mysterical-E (www.mystericale.com). He’s also written extensively for the gay/lesbian press, including The Advocate, In Touch, The New York Native, and the Philadelphia Gay News. His article “Gay Racism” won the prize for excellence in feature writing from the Gay Press Association as was anthologized in We Are Everywhere (Routledge), Black Men, White Men (Gay Sunshine Press), and Men’s Lives (Macmillian). His fiction has appeared in anthologies such as the Quickies series (Arsenal Pulp Press), Men Seeking Men (Painted Leaf Press), Charmed Lives (Lethe) and others. His non-fiction work appears in Gay Life (Doubleday), Paws and Reflect (Alyson) Hey Paisan! (Guernica), Male Sex Work (Haworth), The International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family (Macmillan) and the Encyclopedia of Men and Masculinites (ABC CLIO) among others. He loves writing mysteries as well as science fiction, fantasy, and more. Werecreatures and vampires also inhabit his work. His website is www.josephdemarco.com. Murder on Camacis the first of his Marco Fontana series.