Saturday, April 16, 2011

Sample 60 Saturday: Dignity Takes a Holiday

Every Saturday, until I run out of books--or decide to go to page 70--I will present an excerpt, page 60, from one of my books. No matter what it says--funny, filthy, scary, dumb, or tantalizing--you'll get it here.

And I'd love to hear what you think. Leave a comment below and let me know if this made you want to read more. Or it it simply made you shake your head in dismay...

Let's continue the chronological tour with my twisted romantic comedy, Dignity Takes a Holiday, which some have compared to the work of that great American filmmaker, John Waters. And I couldn't be more honored!

BUY Dignity Takes a Holiday.

Pete Thickwhistle doesn’t live what one might call a charmed life. At age forty-seven, he’s a flamboyant gay man who believes no one knows he’s gay, still living at home with his harpy of a mother. Worse, he’s still a virgin, longing to find just the right man to make his life complete. Pete’s an upbeat kind of guy, yet he’s never learned that the answer to his motto “What could possibly go wrong?” is always: “Everything.”

Pete’s road to love and happiness is full of potholes, yet he never tires of searching, despite job losses, weight battles, clothing faux pas, and disastrous vacations, parties, and dating debacles. Pete is the ultimate underdog living a television situation comedy, one named Dignity Takes a Holiday.

Page 60
“Oh Mother, it’s not funny.” Pete grabbed another bowl from the cupboard and scooped the stroganoff into it. He returned to the table and apologized to Larry. He began dishing up the stroganoff. At least it hadn’t landed on the floor.

Helen elbowed Larry. “This better be good or no….” She hummed “Here Comes the Bride.”

“Oh Mother, would you just stop it?” Pete paused to put his hand to his forehead, where a fierce headache was beginning.

“Whatsa matter? Got a headache? What? Brain tumor?”

“I’m fine.” Pete tried to smile, but tears glistened in his eyes. He handed Larry his plate. “Help yourself to carrots and salad, Larry.”

“This looks great,” Larry said.

“Yeah… but looks aren’t everything.”

“Thank you very much, Mother.”

“Mm-hm.” Helen passed her plate. “I’m just having carrots and a roll.”


“I said, I’m just having—”

“I know, but why?”

“Just not in the mood for red meat. Makes my poop stink.”

Pete sighed. He dished up a helping of glazed carrots and put a roll on his mother’s plate. Finally, he served himself and raised his wine glass.

“A toast.” Pete waited for Mother and Larry to raise their glasses. When they did, he said, “To new friends and to old ones… coming home.”

They clinked their glasses, in spite of Helen mumbling, “Isn’t this idiotic?”

BUY Dignity Takes a Holiday.

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  1. Poor Pete. This sounds like my family.

  2. Oh God, please tell me that's not true!