Tuesday, March 1, 2016
NEW RELEASE! Meat Mallet - A Tale of Epicurean Horror
If this little short doesn't send a chill up your spine by its deliciously horrifying conclusion, I don't know what will.
Steven's cruising the Chicago lakefront park when he meets the man in the Jeep. He seems nice. He seems sexy. He seems like the kind of guy Steven could have a very good time with. When the guy invites him to his place, Steven doesn't hesitate to accept.
But when Steven gets back to the guy's apartment, he realizes, too late, there's more on the menu than just sex. Steven has fallen into the hands of a very hungry predator...and he may never escape.
Oh, I know all the jokes when it comes to tenderizing meat for cooking. Most of them center around “beating your meat.” How childish. But the truth is, if you’ve got some tough meat—oh Lord, keep your mind out of the gutter, people!—you have to work with it a little bit to get it tender.
That’s what I’m doing right now. Go ahead: laugh. Yes, I’m beating my meat. I prefer using this old oak hammer type thing my Mom had when she was just a girl. You’ve seen similar ones. They look like a wooden hammer and have little pointy things on either side of the mallet head. They work wonders when you beat your meat, breaking up the tough gristle and fat, so once you cook it, it gets really tender, especially if you cook the meat in its own juices.
Bam! I pound the nice cut in front of me, beating it into submission.
The mallet, its solid oak burnished to a dark, dull shine, is splashed with the blood of the new meat. I suppose that’s what gives the mallet its patina of darkness.
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