THERE’S NOTHING LIKE A GOOD CRUISEBook Three: Drama Cruise, published by Lethe Press
by Joe Cosentino
The cruise (in the ocean) was terrific. We ate like the top one percent, spotted adorable whales, oogled at multicolored glaciers, and drooled at fantastic views from inside a helicopter. We also enjoyed land excursions to a totem pole park, log climbers’ show, frontier habitat, and Native American village. Onboard ship we attended an art show, bingo (loaded with more senior citizens than an early bird buffet), a casino, and a theatre (where we saw a musical revue with singing and dancing pie slices). When we returned home, I immortalized our trip in the third Nicky and Noah mystery.
In Drama Queen (Divine Magazine’s Readers’ Poll Favorite LGBT Mystery Novel and Humorous Novel of 2015) college theatre professors are dropping like stage curtains and colleagues (and lovers) Nicky and Noah use their theatre skills (including impersonating others) to figure out whodunit. In Drama Muscle (Rainbow Award Honorable Mention) Nicky and Noah don their gay Holmes and Watson personas again to find out why bodybuilding students and professors are dropping faster than barbells.
Now in Drama Cruise, on a ten-day cruise from San Francisco to Alaska and back, Nicky and Noah must figure out why college theatre professors are dropping like life rafts as Nicky directs a murder mystery dinner theatre show onboard ship starring Noah and other college theatre professors from across the US. Complicating matters are their both sets of wacky parents and Martin Anderson (Nicky and Noah’s department head) and his bickering husband who come along for the rocky ride. As in the first two books, there are a slew of colorful, hysterically funny victims and suspects, and a socko surprise ending.
So take your front row seat. The boat is leaving from port. Lights up and ahoy matey! Alaska here we come!
P.S. – Drama Luau, the fourth Nicky and Noah, mystery releases in six months!
Theater professors and couple, Nicky Abbondanza and Noah Oliver, are going overboard as usual, but this time on an Alaskan cruise, where dead college theatre professors are popping up everywhere from the swimming pool to the captain’s table. Further complicating matters are Nicky’s and Noah’s parents as surprise cruise passengers, and Nicky’s assignment to direct a murder mystery dinner theater show onboard ship. Nicky and Noah will need to use their drama skills to figure out who is bringing the curtain down on vacationing theatre professors before it is lights out for the handsome couple. You will be applauding and shouting Bravo for Joe Cosentino’s fast-paced, side-splittingly funny, edge-of-your-seat entertaining third novel in this delightful series. Curtain up and ship ahoy!
The stunning movie star’s long jet-black hair created a silky fan on the
cold marble floor. Surrounding her were a crowd of guilt-ridden faces: her
possessive husband and producer, her handsome young paramour and co-star,
her aggressive agent and female lover, her jealous sister and stand-in, and her
makeup man who knew all her secrets (and she knew his). A detective arrived
on the scene, took one look at the murdered beauty, and fell in love.
“Nice job, people! Let’s take ten.”
That was me, Nicky Abbondanza, Professor of Directing at Treemeadow
College, a white stone Edwardian-style private college in the quaint and
picturesque village of Treemeadow, Vermont. And how did I become the director
of a murder mystery dinner theatre show on a ten-night June cruise from San
Francisco to Alaska and back? I spotted an online ad seeking theatre professors to
present theatrical workshops for passengers on a cruise, culminating in a murder
mystery dinner theatre presentation on the last evening. Okay, technically my
colleague and fiancé Noah Oliver, Professor of Acting at Treemeadow, spotted
the ad in an educational journal, but I applied for my department head and
mentor, Martin Anderson (producing the show), my Noah (acting in the show),
and me (directing). Martin’s husband, Ruben, came along for the ride.
Martin and Ruben are a sweet, elderly couple (don’t tell them I said that)
who have been together forever and have two grown daughters. For our part,
Noah and I are both tall, but the similarity ends there. I have dark hair, long
sideburns, a Roman nose, and a pretty pumped body thanks to the gym on
campus. Noah has exquisite curly-blond hair, sky blue eyes, a smooth build, and
the most loving heart on land and sea. I am just a tad older than Noah—but
what’s seven years? A lot when you are thirty-six and your lover is twenty-nine.
Oh, there’s one other little thing. Actually, it’s not so little. I have a thick
nine-and-a-quarter inch penis—flaccid. Luckily, Noah is very open (pardon the
pun) to my anatomical quirk.
After flying from Vermont to New York to San Francisco and waiting on
endless security lines in the airports, the four of us got to the boat, where we
waited on a long security line to come onboard. After unpacking in our cabin then
getting a quick lunch at the bountiful buffet, Noah and I made our way through
the sea of polyester, and somehow remained awake during the life boat drill.
Then we dodged photographers, dollar signs shining in their eyes like paparazzi
at a closeted gay movie star’s mansion, and headed to our first rehearsal. As the
dining room was occupied with guests eating lunch, we rehearsed in a nautical
themed lounge onboard ship.
After an hour and a half of rehearsal, it was break time. While the other
professors scattered like televangelists near an IRS building, Noah and I sat on a
cozy loveseat next to a gas brick fireplace. Noah looked amazing in an aqua polo
shirt and white pants, while I was a bit more toned down in yellow slacks and a
cranberry hoodie. I took Noah’s soft, warm hand in mine, and said adoringly, “I
can’t believe we’re here.”
Noah responded, “My first cruise.”
“My little virgin.” I kissed his cheek.
He looked out of the porthole and kissed the cleft in my chin. “The sky and
the water are gorgeous.”
“I hope we get to the deck to see them.”
“We won’t be rehearsing all day, Nicky.”
“Don’t you need a break, handsome, young paramour character?”
Noah snuggled his shoulder into my chest. “I’d rather wallow away the
minutes with my intended.”
We shared a warm kiss.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Bestselling author Joe Cosentino was voted Favorite Mystery, Humorous, and Contemporary Author of 2015 by the readers of Divine Magazine for Drama Queen. He also wrote the other novels in the Nicky and Noah mystery series: Drama Muscle and Drama Cruise (Lethe Press); In My Heart/An Infatuation & A Shooting Star, A Home for the Holidays, The Naked Prince and Other Tales from Fairyland (Dreamspinner Press); Cozzi Cove: Bouncing Back, Cozzi Cove: Moving Forward, Cozzi Cove: Stepping Out Cozzi Cove series (NineStar Press); Paper Doll, Porcelain Doll, Satin Doll, China Doll, Rag Doll (The Wild Rose Press) Jana Lane mysteries; and The Nutcracker and the Mouse King (Eldridge Plays and Musicals).
He has appeared in principal acting roles in film, television, and theatre, opposite stars such as Bruce Willis, Rosie O’Donnell, Nathan Lane, Holland Taylor, and Jason Robards. Joe is currently Head of the Department/Professor at a college in upstate New York, and is happily married. Joe was voted 2nd Place for Best MM Author of the Year in Divine Magazine’s Readers’ Choice Awards for 2015, and has won many Rainbow Award Honorable mentions including for Drama Muscle. Upcoming novels are Drama Luau (fourth Nicky and Noah mystery) and Cozzi Cove: New Beginnings (fourth Cozzi Cove beach novel, NineStar Press).
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