Ruth Sims is one smart cookie. I met with the historical romance author recently at her home in rural Illinois to get her take on my silly questions. While simultaneously churning butter with one hand, milking a goat with the other, and dictating her latest novel to her secretary who hid behind a bale of hay with a notebook, Ruth managed to wax witty on my ridiculous queries.1. If you could invite any famous person, dead or alive, for dinner, what
would you eat?
I'd invite Jesus because I love bread and he could just keep it coming, along with wine from the tap. Give me enough bread I don't need anything else. Except butter.
2. Who do you think you are?
Lady Godiva. And boy, does it upset the neighbors.
3. What’s your problem?
People who ask dumb-ass questions.
4. If you could have one wish, would you give it to me?
Do I look crazy to you? [RR: Well, now that you mention it...]
5. Where you at?
Before the "at." I live in Illinois--home of both Obama and Blago, the best and the worst politics has to offer.
6. If you had to choose only one vice, what would it be?
Inasmuch as I'm perfect, I have never had a vice and so I'm not sure what you mean. But if I had to ever have a vice like you less perfect beings, it would be chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Lots and lots. Deep, rich, sweet chocolate. In bars, in syrups, in cake, in cookies, in--- Er... I hear that it's very good.
7. What’s your favorite brand of cereal?
Cap'n Crunch because ol' Cap is so cute and sexy. I don't eat the cereal; I just collect the boxes. I have 123,468 of them. I used to have a thing for Mister Clean.
8. When you wake up in the morning, what celebrity do you most resemble?
On a good day, Ozzie Osbourne. On most days, Alf.
9. Do you know your ass from a hole in the ground? And if so, how do you
tell the difference?
There's a difference??? Who knew!?
10. Do you have anything you’d like to plug?
Is that a come-on? I always knew I had the charm and power to turn gay guys around. Oh, you meant writing! The new version of The Phoenix with some text changes and a hot new cover is now available from Lethe Press. And I have a book review blog which could use some more traffic. And there are some free reads:
Short story, "TOM: or, An Improbable Tail"
Short story, "Mariel"
Ruth Sims says, "I was born with a manual typewriter in one hand and Wite-Out in the other, which was very uncomfortable for my mother. Just turned seventy; I can’t remember if I have one husband and three grandkids or three husbands and one grandkid—but I know I have five unfinished manuscripts." For more on Ruth, visit her website.
I'll never look at Captain Crunch the same way again... lol
ReplyDeleteYou mean you didn't think he was hot?
ReplyDeleteOMG! Ruth, Alf? I'd forgotten all about him. Too cool. I loved your story, TOM, btw. Beautiful. But with you likening yourself to Alf...Need I hide my Calico when you're in town?
ReplyDeleteJust wondering.
~Bryl :)
I love chocolate too, I'm constantly warned by my doctor to cut it out but do I listen? NOOOOO...
ReplyDeleteIs your new Phoenix very different from the first? I read that one and liked very much but don't want to get a double edition.
Wait, what happened to the goat? Is this another animal abuse thing? Did the goat get any of the chocolate? What about C'pan Crunch?
ReplyDeleteVictor (who can only post here anonymously)
Kage, what most people don't realize is that beneath the disguise the Captain looks just like Brad Pitt when he played Achilles.
ReplyDeleteBryl, you don't need to hide the cat. Is your calico a tom cat, perchance? heh-heh. I only look like Alf; our diets are different.
ReplyDeleteMick, the changes to the story were in small details, and also I corrected the inadvertant Americanisms that were pointed out by some astute British fans. They all said the mistakes didn't ruin the story, but since I had a chance to fix them with the new edition, I did. Short answer? There's no need to get a new one unless you just want to.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous (aka Victor)the goat is well and happy and keeping the grass well trimmed. Also, with Amanda here we have no need to recycle or send anything to the landfill. Amazing what one small animal can eat.
ReplyDeleteRuth, who knew you had such a wonderful sense of humor? Very much enjoyed you book, The Phoenix, and also this interview. Thanks for brightening my day.
ReplyDeletealan chin
Ohmigod, I had to run into the kitchen and look at my kids' cereal boxes. What have you done to me?
ReplyDeleteI've been trying to talk the family into getting a goat forever, but no one listens.
Nadja
Alan, my family thinks my sense of humor is a bit twisted. (g)They also don't think much of the subject of much of my writing. They'd rather I did something more respectable, such as rob banks.
ReplyDeleteNadja, it was the Brad Pitt comparison that did it, wasn't it. Yes, ol' Cap is a really sexy hunk beneath it all. And he wears very tight silk underwear. And sometimes a red thong.
ReplyDeleteGoats, Capn' Crunch and Chocolate. Now that'd make one hell of a story.
ReplyDeleteRuth, awesome post. I loved it!
Hugs
Thanks, Jude. Maybe I should've told about the time the goat ate the old lady and burped up a wad of blue hair. And then there's the missing cadillac... I tell you, she'll eat anything that's sitting still.
ReplyDeleteOMG, I'm histarically laughing my ass off (if only) while the bf and his dear son are playing some war game on the computer as I diligently am reading this blog out loud. they continually tell me that I am interrupting their game, and I don't care. Tears pour down my cheeks (not my ass cheeks sheesh get your mind out of the gutter) and still I continue to laugh and I'm still reading out loud and then I click over to my email program, type out a quick not to Rick and then come back finish reading and tell the boys, "OMG that was so funny I almost peed my pants!"
ReplyDeleteYou guys gave me a much needed laugh! Thanks so much! Now off to post about this blog on twitter. You guys need to make the world laugh too!
Well! Tami, my feelings are very, very, very hurt. These were serious answers. I think I am going to have to crouch in a corner with a blankie over my head whilst I recover from you unkind remarks. *sniff* O I am just too sensitive for this world.
ReplyDeleteOMG this blog has pretty much ruined all cereals forever! LOL!
ReplyDeleteGreat answers, Ruth *g* Hey, are you going to RWA next week? If you are then I am bringing my copy of The Phoenix for you to sign :D
LOL... Great answers, Ruth. Hey I wanted to travel with Captain Crunch when I was a kid. And chocolate... Where do I begin. I think Alfred Molina was the luckiest man on the planet for his rolling in chocolate scene in Chocolate.
ReplyDeleteGreat interview, Ruth!
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, Melissa, that was some wonderful scene in "Chocolate!"
BTW, remember the song about falling into a vat of chocolate by the Smothers Brothers?
Too funny!
I owe Ally, Melissa, and Jeanne all apologies. I totally forgot to check Rick's blog until today, the 20th, and missed all your comments. My bad. So, so bad.
ReplyDeleteAlly, I didn't go to RWA. I'm not a member and anyway, health reasons keep me from traveling much. I wish I could have signed the book for you. Is it the first edition (self-published, brown cover) or the second edition by Lethe (gold and red flame cover)? I hope you had a good time there.
Melissa -- how the heck did I miss a movie where someone rolls in chocolate? Oy. There's a play or book or movie (not sure which) called Death By Chocolate I always meant to find out more about.
Jeanne, I loved the Smothers Brothers! But somehow I missed that one. My husband just bought a turntable for me so I can dig out all my old vinyls. One of them is a Smothers Brothers. Maybe the chocolate bit is on there!
Have a wonderful week, y'all.