Ruth Sims is one smart cookie. I met with the historical romance author recently at her home in rural Illinois to get her take on my silly questions. While simultaneously churning butter with one hand, milking a goat with the other, and dictating her latest novel to her secretary who hid behind a bale of hay with a notebook, Ruth managed to wax witty on my ridiculous queries.
1. If you could invite any famous person, dead or alive, for dinner, what
would you eat?
I'd invite Jesus because I love bread and he could just keep it coming, along with wine from the tap. Give me enough bread I don't need anything else. Except butter.
2. Who do you think you are?
Lady Godiva. And boy, does it upset the neighbors.
3. What’s your problem?
People who ask dumb-ass questions.
4. If you could have one wish, would you give it to me?
Do I look crazy to you? [RR: Well, now that you mention it...]
5. Where you at?
Before the "at." I live in Illinois--home of both Obama and Blago, the best and the worst politics has to offer.
6. If you had to choose only one vice, what would it be?
Inasmuch as I'm perfect, I have never had a vice and so I'm not sure what you mean. But if I had to ever have a vice like you less perfect beings, it would be chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Lots and lots. Deep, rich, sweet chocolate. In bars, in syrups, in cake, in cookies, in--- Er... I hear that it's very good.
7. What’s your favorite brand of cereal?
Cap'n Crunch because ol' Cap is so cute and sexy. I don't eat the cereal; I just collect the boxes. I have 123,468 of them. I used to have a thing for Mister Clean.
8. When you wake up in the morning, what celebrity do you most resemble?
On a good day, Ozzie Osbourne. On most days, Alf.
9. Do you know your ass from a hole in the ground? And if so, how do you
tell the difference?
There's a difference??? Who knew!?
10. Do you have anything you’d like to plug?
Is that a come-on? I always knew I had the charm and power to turn gay guys around. Oh, you meant writing! The new version of The Phoenix with some text changes and a hot new cover is now available from Lethe Press. And I have a book review blog which could use some more traffic. And there are some free reads:
Short story, "TOM: or, An Improbable Tail"
Short story, "Mariel"
Ruth Sims says, "I was born with a manual typewriter in one hand and Wite-Out in the other, which was very uncomfortable for my mother. Just turned seventy; I can’t remember if I have one husband and three grandkids or three husbands and one grandkid—but I know I have five unfinished manuscripts." For more on Ruth, visit her website.