10 Silly Questions with Mystery Author Dorien Grey

I flew to Chicago this week to ask noted--and highly prolific--mystery author and man-about-town Dorien Grey my ridiculous list of silly questions. Dorien and I lounged near Belmont Harbor, eating Fig Newtons and drinking grape Kool-Aid. At one point, Dorien looked at me, and with tears in his eyes, said, "Rick, you're really wonderfully smart and talented...just these questions alone prove it."

See if you agree with him.

1. If you could invite any famous person, dead or alive, for dinner, what would you eat?

Hannibal Lecter would be an interesting conversationalist, I'd imagine. I'd of course serve liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

2. Who do you think you are?

I have no idea, but I've been asked that question innumerable times, usually by people angry with me.

3. What’s your problem?

Other than not being young, not being beautiful, not being rich, not being particularly talented or intelligent, I don't have a care in the world.

4. If you could have one wish, would you give it to me?

If I could have one wish, I'd keep it for myself. You're a nice guy, but since we're not sleeping together, I see no particular advantage in giving you anything I might want.

5. Where you at?

Third star to the right, and straight on til morning.

6. If you had to choose only one vice, what would it be?

Modesty

7. What’s your favorite brand of cereal?

Shredded Wheat. Is this a trick question?

8. When you wake up in the morning, what celebrity do you most resemble?

DUH.....what's my name, Rick?

9. Do you know your ass from a hole in the ground? And if so, how do you tell the difference?

Grass does not grow on my behind.

10. Do you have anything you’d like to plug?

You mean other than you? Well, my books of course. And all my blogs and websites, and my latest book, Aaron's Wait, out any minute now.

Do not let Dorien Grey know where you live. He will stop at nothing to get you to read his books, and he won't stop until you have read all 14 (and counting) of them. He will camp outside your doorstep, peer in your windows, and bring you to tears with the sad story of how he is the sole support for his aged mother, father, three aunts, and assorted cousins. He has no shame. Visit the poor man's website, would you?