Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Book I Want--Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People

Seldom do one-star book reviews on Amazon make me perk up and say, "Now that's a book I gotta have. But the review below, posted about Amy Sedaris' Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People made me laugh so hard I peed a little bit, so I have to order the book today, even though my credit cards are maxed out from holiday shopping. Who could resist a book that has a whole section devoted to crafting under the influence?

Here's the review, from "Pseudonomynous" and titled "Revolting":

I have never bothered to write a review before, but I had to for this book. My mother sent it as a gift after seeing it on Amazon.com, and reading the rave reviews. She would be horrified if she actually saw it. It is truly revolting. I see nothing humorous in it; it is crude and dirty.

Some section headings: CUI: Crafting Under the Influence. In this section, you can read about "Crafting While Boozing," "Crafting While Ramped Up On Amphetamines," and "Crafting While Under the Weed of Madness." Later on you can be edified by the chapter entitled "Love Making." A subsection in this chapter is "Fornicrafting." Pictures to fit that heading are provided.

Scattered throughout the book are images of middle aged women who don't seem to realize that, even if modesty isn't a virtue they aspire to, a little becoming vanity ought to keep them from displaying so much of themselves. Who wants to see a shapeless naked bottom through a thin layer of chiffon?

I did not enjoy the section on crafting accidents, either. The pictures of a mouth bloody from a knocked out tooth, a foot bleeding from numerous tacks stuck in it, a finger supposedly amputated while crafting with scissors, and an eye bleeding from a nail gun mishap just didn't strike me as particularly funny.

As for the "crafts," they are hideous and/or worthless pieces of trash. Do you really want to pay to learn how to cook hot dogs on a rake in your fireplace, or how to make "marshmallow stars"? (Cover toothpicks with glitter, stick them in a marshmallow, and hang the thing.) Or better yet, you can learn how to make a "Tampon Ghost." So tasteful.

I am astonished that this book ever got published, and sorry that it did. Don't waste your money. This copy is going back.


  1. I LOVE Amy Sedaris and David as well. Strangers With Candy was so fantastic and David's book Naked made me laugh out loud on the NYC subways earning me strange looks.

  2. I ALMOST bought this book when our Waldenbooks was going out of business. It would make a great coffee table book if I had a coffee table. The Tampon Ghost is the best!

  3. Okay Now I've heard it all....I would thank you but...still getting over the "I peed a little"

  4. LOL! Who wouldn't want to learn how to make a Tampon Ghost? That alone would be worth buying the book for!

  5. She made the Banana Salad on Watch What Happens Live! with Andy Cohen last week, and that pretty much convinced me to buy the book right then and there. Amy's humor isn't for everyone, but it sure is for a lot of us.

  6. ROTFLOL some people just don't have a very open sense of humor. I have to have this book myself. :)