BLUE UMBRELLA SKY My Best Novel Set in Palm Springs

Once in a while, a reviewer really "gets" what you're trying to do with your work. Gay Book Reviews is one example: 

"We are introduced to two terribly broken men. Milt, in his 40’s, has suffered through the painful loss of his life’s great love. He is determined to inure himself against future pain by living in solitude, which he also deems best to honor his late husband. Billy, a younger man, has experienced the youthful loss of his sobriety, and with it his hopes for a good and productive life. He is aggressively fighting to preserve his renewed sobriety with AA.

"The reader need not fear. Perhaps mindful of that standard redemptive religious precept that, 'what is broken shall be made whole.' Mr Reed guides us to the HEA promised in the blurb, laced with all the proper plot fits and starts. He also judiciously uses the occasional flashback, often a risky device, to better shape our understanding to Milt’s and Billy’s reality. Surmounting the difficult experiences with dementia and alcoholism, Milt’s and Billy’s very fractures call out to each other. Milt’s loneliness generates a need in Billy: Billy is seen by Milt as a handsome, tanned dreamboat even Milt’s late husband would have desired.

"The satisfaction in this novel is easily summed up in the heroes’ recognition that those things they need come to each of them when they are ready. And this is possible because love isn’t meted out – the world is made of love and there is more than enough available."  

ABOUT THE BOOK

Milt Grabaur has left his life, home, and teaching career in Ohio to start anew. The Summer Winds trailer park in Palm Springs, butted up against the San Jacinto mountain range, seems the perfect place to forget the pain of nursing his beloved husband through Alzheimer's and seeing him off on his final passage.

Billy Blue is a sexy California surfer type who once dreamed of being a singer but now works at Trader Joe’s and lives in his own trailer at Summer Winds. He’s focused on recovery from the alcoholism that put his dreams on hold. When his new neighbor moves in, Billy falls for the gray-eyed man. His sadness and loneliness awaken something Billy’s never felt before—real love.

When a summer storm and flash flood jeopardize Milt's home, Billy comes to the rescue, hoping the two men might get better acquainted… and maybe begin a new romance. But Milt's devotion to his late husband is strong, and he worries that acting on his attraction will be a betrayal.

Can they lay down their baggage and find out how redemptive love can be?

BUY
Amazon

NineStar Press

SILENCE OF THE MISSING Written by a True Crime Junkie

 

Dear Reader:

Does true crime fascinate you? It’s always been a somewhat dubious pleasure of mine. Dubious because I wonder why I’m drawn to stories of murder, abduction, and other dastardly deeds my fellow humans perpetrate on each other.

Whatever the reason, trying to gain some understanding of human nature is a passion of mine, whether it’s for the best humanity has to offer or the worst.

SILENCE OF THE MISSING gives readers a glimpse into both the darkness and the light, the good and the evil. I was inspired by missing persons’ cases where the result was not the typical and tragic ending of finding a body. What would happen if a missing person returned many years later? What effect would it have on loved ones? Was there a possibility that the person claiming to be the missing soul was actually an imposter? What happened during those intervening years when family and friends worried and, most likely, gave up on their vanished loved one?

 These questions, along with some significant true-crime cases, inspired me to write SILENCE OF THE MISSING.

I wanted to write something haunting, something that would draw you, the reader in, with the same burning questions that kept me up at night.

All good fiction, I believe starts off with the classic question of—what if? It’s obvious my what-if was, “What if your first love was abducted and turned up years later when you and everyone you knew believed he was dead?”

 I wondered further—what if this person wasn’t who he said he was? Or maybe, even better or worse, what if he was?

 SILENCE OF THE MISSING opens with the appearance of the missing person—a shocking event that disrupts a very ordinary day and an ordinary life. The appearance changes everything and plunges Sam, our main character, into a world he can no longer trust or perhaps even believe.

 Was Sam’s long-lost love who he said he was? And why appear now, over thirty years later?

 Read SILENCE OF THE MISSING and find out.

 The answers may not be as simple, or as innocent, as you may first believe.

 Your conspirator in truth and fiction,

Rick R. Reed

ABOUT THE BOOK

He went into the woods…and never came out.

In 1986, thirteen-year-old Jeb Kleber vanished during his small town’s Fourth of July fireworks. His mysterious disappearance left his first love, Sammy Blake, grieving for years.

Flash forward to present day. A now middle-aged Sam Blake has a comfortable and predictable life with his husband Marc in Chicago. All that changes when a stranger arrives at Sam’s door, claiming to be the missing Jeb Kleber. The stranger knows things he couldn’t possibly know—including the hidden love the boys shared during the summer of ’86. He also wears an amethyst pendant Sam gave him shortly before he disappeared.

Could this be the real Jeb Kleber, missing for thirty-seven years? If not, who is this mysterious stranger? And what does he want after all this time? His appearance plunges Sam’s life into a nightmare of questionable identity, long-buried secrets, and perhaps even murder.

#author #suspense #crimefiction #ownvoicesbooks

Pick up your copy (availble in ebook, paperback, and audiobook): https://www.amazon.com/Silence-Missing-gripping-psychological-thriller-ebook/dp/B0C4M7TKQV

SILENCE OF THE MISSING Audiobook Gets Another Rave!

 A new and excellent review for SILENCE OF THE MISSING...

BUY

Audiobook: https://www.amazon.com/Audible-Silence-of-the-Missing/dp/B0CZTYVFRZ

Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/Silence-Missing-gripping-psychological-thriller/dp/1915905168

Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Silence-Missing-gripping-psychological-thriller-ebook/dp/B0C4M7TKQV

My Autobiographical Novel BLINK Is Perfect Reading for Pride 2024

When I go back and re-read portions of Blink, my memoirish (I admit it!) gay love story, it takes me down memory lane—and back to my twenties. 

Youth isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! I was 23 years old in 1981, when the first part of the book takes place and I was big in denial of my gay self. So big, in fact, that I was engaged to be married to my (female) college sweetheart. A large part of the first section of the book deals with two young men being attracted to one another on one of Chicago’s L trains.

Both of them had issues. The character modeled after me, Andy, had more issues that Carlos, the character Andy lusts after, to his great shame. But even Carlos, out at the time, but still not so proud, struggles a bit with his sexuality, which is evident from this little taste from Blink, taken from Chapter 2 and written from Carlos’ point of view.

EXCERPT
The guy obviously has a thing for me. I’ve caught him staring now a couple of times and, hey, I’m flattered. He’s cute. No, maybe that’s not a strong enough word. He’s handsome, with green eyes and dark wavy hair that clues me into some sort of Mediterranean heritage. Italian maybe? Greek?

Whatever. Maybe the word I’m looking for is hot.

I can imagine kissing him and the feel of his dark, bushy mustache against mine.

I don’t ride the train to meet men. I don’t do much to meet men, period, to be perfectly honest. I ride the train in the mornings simply to get to St. Philomena elementary school on the west side, where I teach fourth grade.

I’m okay with being gay. I wasn’t always, hence my stint in the seminary where I studied to be a priest. I learned pretty quickly, by the grace of god, and the hands and mouth of a fellow seminarian, that the priesthood was not work I was cut out for. Not if I wanted to live my life honestly, anyway.

So I left. I had already gotten my teaching degree, concurrent with my seminarian studies, so the job at St. Phil’s, low-paying as it was, was a natural fit.

But I digress. I’m trying to sort out my feelings for this sweetheart on the train. I know he’s gay too. I know he’s attracted. But I also know that nothing will ever come of it.

Why? Because I can see that, when our eyes meet, he’s filled with shame and guilt. I recognize his remorse because I cloaked myself in that dark, heavy fabric myself for many years.

And maybe still do, a little, to this day. The Church teaches us that same-sex feelings are to be avoided. They are not of our natural order. We should turn our sights away from our own sex and devote them instead to loving and pleasing the Lord.

Yeah, good luck with that.

The Lord created that cute guy that gives me the eye on the train, the one I feel this probably misplaced connection with. What is it about him that makes me think of him all the time? Why do I hope he’ll be in my train car every time I step on to it in the morning, even though most times he’s not? Why do I try and quickly scan the windows of the train as it rumbles into the station for a glimpse of him?

Is it just because he’s cute?

There are cute men, hunks, whatever, all around. I occasionally venture out to the intersection of Grand Avenue and Clark to the New Flight bar for happy hour and bring one of them home. Or I head up farther north to the Loading Zone on Oak, where I can watch free porn in the back or dance up front. Somebody usually brings me home.

I never make any lasting connections. I don’t even know if want to. Shame lingers on me like the scent of cigarette smoke after leaving those places.

But there’s something about the guy on the train. He tugs at my heart as well as my loins. Even from the brief glances we exchange, he makes me think there’s the possibility of more than just sex. He makes me think, for the first time in my young life, that maybe I could love another man.

And that terrifies me.

Read more of Blink to see where this flirtation on the train takes these two—does it take them to love? And how long does it take for them to get there?

BUY
Amazon Kindle
JMS Books


ABOUT THE BOOK
Life can change in the blink of an eye. That's a truth Andy Slater learns as a young man in 1982, taking the Chicago 'L' to work every morning. Andy's life is laid out before him: a good job, marriage to his female college sweetheart, and the white picket fence existence he believes in. But when he sees Carlos Castillo for the first time, Carlos’s dark eyes and Latin appeal mesmerize him. Fate continues to throw them together until the two finally agree to meet up. At Andy’s apartment, the pent-up passion of both young men is ignited, but is snuffed out by an inopportune and poorly-timed phone call.

Flash forward to present day. Andy is alone, having married, divorced, and become the father of a gay son. He’s comfortable but alone and has never forgotten the powerful pull of Carlos’s gaze on the 'L' train. He vows to find him once more, hoping for a second chance. If life can change in the blink of an eye, what will the passage of thirty years do? To find out, Andy begins a search that might lead to heartache and disappointment or a love that will last forever….

NOW OUT in Audiobook! M4M

My trilogy of #lovestories, M4M, is now available in audiobook, narrated by the amazing Wes Landry. Listen to a sample and pick up your copy here: https://www.amazon.com/Audible-M4M/dp/B0CZV1GJZT

"If you like stories set very much in today’s world, if you’re curious about the effect cyberspace and all the various types of social media can have on someone’s life, and if you’re looking for a read that is emotional, realistic, and carefully hopeful, then you will probably like this collection as much as I do. It’s a fantastic look at today’s dating world and a touching story about one man’s road to happiness – bumps and all."
(Rainbow Book Reviews)

ABOUT THE BOOK

Finding and keeping love can be a challenge in the modern world of blogging, social media, and online dating, as one man will learn in this trilogy.

VGL Male Seeks Same

Poor Ethan Schwartz. At forty-two, he’s alone, his bed is empty, and his HDTV is overworked. He’s tried bars and other places where gay men are supposed to find each other, but it never works out. Maybe he should get a cat?

But his life is about to change…

NEG UB2

Poor Ethan. He’s received the most shocking news a gay man can get—he’s HIV positive. Until today his life was perfect, with a job he loves and Brian, who could be “the one.” The one to complete him and fill his lonely life with laughter, hot sex, and romance.

But Ethan’s in for another shock. Could Brian have infected him?

STATUS UPDATES

Alone again, Ethan wonders if life is worth living, even with a cat. When an old nemesis sends a Facebook friend request, Ethan is suspicious but intrigued. It seems this old acquaintance has turned his life around, and the changes might hold the key to Ethan getting a new lease on life… and love.

Now Out in Audiobook HUSBAND HUNTERS

Excited that my #romanticcomedy, HUSBAND HUNTERS, is NOW OUT in #audiobook! Narrated by the talented Wes Landry, the book is a fun take on:

* reality TV,
* the perils of dating,
* and the idea that the one you've always been looking for just might be hiding in plain sight.
BUY: https://www.amazon.com/Audible-Husband-Hunters/dp/B0CXBT592X

ABOUT THE BOOK

You never know where the love of your life might turn up.
When Matt Connelly suggests to his best buddy Cody Mook that they head to downtown Seattle to audition for the gay reality TV show Husband Hunters, both agree the experience might be a lark and a chance to grab their fifteen minutes of fame.

What they don't know is that the show, modeled after HGTV's House Hunters, will open doors of longing neither expected. For Matt, the secret love he has long harbored for Cody might be thrust into the spotlight. Cody might realize his search for his perfect-forever-man extends no farther than the man who's always been at his side.

Husband Hunters promises laughter, tears, and, just maybe, a happy ever after. Will Cody and Matt's story be one of best-friends-to-lovers -- or an outright disaster?
#ownvoices #mmromancenovel

Homeless for the Holidays--My Two Christmas Stories

 

In the mood for a little holiday poignancy? I have two tales that just might bring a tear or two to your eye....

AN OPEN WINDOW

BLURB
Two men. One Christmas Eve that changes the courses of both their lives.

Henry’s homeless and only wants a warm place to sleep on the coldest night of the year. A forgotten open window in a darkened house entices Henry inside with the promise of warmth and comfort. He knows it’s bad, but he promises himself he’ll be out before the owner wakes on Christmas morning. Except he oversleeps and the homeowner, Jim, discovers a bearded stranger sawing logs under his dining room table. When the shock and the drama that ensues dies down, Henry and Jim discover that they might have found, quite unexpectedly, the Christmas miracle they’d both been longing for—love and home.

Divine Magazine said:

REVIEW
An Open Window is told retrospectively, which is a tactic that works really well for this short because Reed focuses the reader's attention on Henry and Jim's meeting.

Reed poignantly highlights the plight of homeless people at Christmas and immediately we only feel sympathy for Henry rather than judging him for his choice to enter the open window in someone else's home. I think our emotions are intensified by the fact that Henry thinks about being found frozen on Christmas morning with a mixture of "terror and relief".

Another man who is alone on this Christmas Eve is Jim, who has had a lucky, if upsetting, escape from a man who could not give him the love he deserved. Every reader knows that Christmas is a time to be spent with loved ones and for that reason, we feel compassion for Jim, who feels that "he might never celebrate the holiday again".

Reed brings these two men together unconventionally but beautifully and I adore the fact that Reed is able to capture the Christmas spirit of goodwill in An Open Window. I turned the final page and was left with all the right warm and fuzzy feelings.

An Open Window may only be 21 pages but it is a story perfectly formed!


BUY 
JMS Books

Amazon Kindle

AND... 
MATCHES

I've always loved the darkly beautiful fairy tales of Hans Christian Andersen. "Matches" is my gay take on "The Little Match Girl".

BLURB
Christmas Eve should be a night filled with magic and love. But for Anderson, down on his luck and homeless in Chicago's frigid chill, it's a fight for survival. Whether he's sleeping on the el, or holed up in an abandoned car, all he really has are his memories to keep him warm-memories of a time when he loved a man named Welk and the world was perfect. When Anderson finds a book of discarded matches on the sidewalk, he pockets them. Later, trying to keep the cold at bay hunkered down in a church entryway, Anderson discovers the matches are the key to bringing his memories of Welk, happiness, and security to life. Within their flames, visions dance-and perhaps a reunion with the man he loved most.

BUY for .99 on Amazon Kindle (FREE for Kindle Unlimited Readers)

True Crime and Me: SILENCE OF THE MISSING

 

Dear Reader:

Does true crime fascinate you? It’s always been a somewhat dubious pleasure of mine. Dubious because I wonder why I’m drawn to stories of murder, abduction, and other dastardly deeds my fellow humans perpetrate on each other.

Whatever the reason, trying to gain some understanding of human nature is a passion of mine, whether it’s for the best humanity has to offer or the worst.

SILENCE OF THE MISSING gives readers a glimpse into both the darkness and the light, the good and the evil. I was inspired by missing persons’ cases where the result was not the typical and tragic ending of finding a body. What would happen if a missing person returned many years later? What effect would it have on loved ones? Was there a possibility that the person claiming to be the missing soul was actually an imposter? What happened during those intervening years when family and friends worried and, most likely, gave up on their vanished loved one?

 These questions, along with some significant true-crime cases, inspired me to write SILENCE OF THE MISSING.

I wanted to write something haunting, something that would draw you, the reader in, with the same burning questions that kept me up at night.

All good fiction, I believe starts off with the classic question of—what if? It’s obvious my what-if was, “What if your first love was abducted and turned up years later when you and everyone you knew believed he was dead?”

 I wondered further—what if this person wasn’t who he said he was? Or maybe, even better or worse, what if he was?

 SILENCE OF THE MISSING opens with the appearance of the missing person—a shocking event that disrupts a very ordinary day and an ordinary life. The appearance changes everything and plunges Sam, our main character, into a world he can no longer trust or perhaps even believe.

 Was Sam’s long-lost love who he said he was? And why appear now, over thirty years later?

 Read SILENCE OF THE MISSING and find out.

 The answers may not be as simple, or as innocent, as you may first believe.

 Your conspirator in truth and fiction,

Rick R. Reed

ABOUT THE BOOK

He went into the woods…and never came out.

In 1986, thirteen-year-old Jeb Kleber vanished during his small town’s Fourth of July fireworks. His mysterious disappearance left his first love, Sammy Blake, grieving for years.

Flash forward to present day. A now middle-aged Sam Blake has a comfortable and predictable life with his husband Marc in Chicago. All that changes when a stranger arrives at Sam’s door, claiming to be the missing Jeb Kleber. The stranger knows things he couldn’t possibly know—including the hidden love the boys shared during the summer of ’86. He also wears an amethyst pendant Sam gave him shortly before he disappeared.

Could this be the real Jeb Kleber, missing for thirty-seven years? If not, who is this mysterious stranger? And what does he want after all this time? His appearance plunges Sam’s life into a nightmare of questionable identity, long-buried secrets, and perhaps even murder.

#author #suspense #crimefiction #ownvoicesbooks

Pick up your copy: https://www.amazon.com/Silence-Missing-gripping-psychological-thriller-ebook/dp/B0C4M7TKQV

Now Out in Paperback and Ebook SILENCE OF THE MISSING

 

#ReleaseDay!

Today, I'm #grateful that my 52nd #novel, SILENCE OF THE MISSING, is now out in both ebook and paperback.

The #crime #psychologicalthriller is, I think, one of my best!

Pick up your copy: https://www.amazon.com/Silence-Missing-gripping-psychological-thriller-ebook/dp/B0C4M7TKQV

ABOUT THE BOOK

He went into the woods…and never came out.

In 1986, thirteen-year-old Jeb Kleber vanished during his small town’s Fourth of July fireworks. His mysterious disappearance left his first love, Sammy Blake, grieving for years.

Flash forward to present day. A now middle-aged Sam Blake has a comfortable and predictable life with his husband Marc in Chicago. All that changes when a stranger arrives at Sam’s door, claiming to be the missing Jeb Kleber. The stranger knows things he couldn’t possibly know—including the hidden love the boys shared during the summer of ’86. He also wears an amethyst pendant Sam gave him shortly before he disappeared.

Could this be the real Jeb Kleber, missing for thirty-seven years? If not, who is this mysterious stranger? And what does he want after all this time? His appearance plunges Sam’s life into a nightmare of questionable identity, long-buried secrets, and perhaps even murder.

#author #suspense #crimefiction #ownvoicesbooks

REVIEWS

"Compellingly readable, The Silence of the Missing keeps the twists and turns coming right to the end. But Rick R. Reed's real strength is investigating the human heart in crisis, and how resilient it can be—and how appalling." --Felice Picano, author and founder of modern gay literature along with the other members of the Violet Quill
***
"Reed's story of loss, love, and suffering showcases his trademark ability to explore the nature of evil and, more profoundly, the humanity behind it." --Gregory Ashe, author of the Hazard and Somerset Mysteries
***
"While I wouldn't say Silence of the Missing is a horror story, I will say that it's a mystery/thriller that will keep you guessing until the very end. It's kind of a romance but not in the way you'd expect. arts will get your heart racing as you're eager to find out what really happened that 4th of July night so many years ago. Other parts will have your heart breaking a little for more than one of the characters. In the end, no doubt you'll be pleased with the resolution even if it's not the ending you might expect." --OnTopDownUnder Reviews
***
"In Silence of the Missing, Reed artfully pens an eerily haunting tale of loves lost, of lives ruined, of mystery, suspense, despair and ultimately hope. The story will leave you guessing throughout as it adeptly weaves its way through its characters' troubled lives. Mesmerizing." - Rob Rosen, author of Bobby Ray Breaks the Universe
***
"...memorable characters who feel authentic and very human. Silence of the Missing is an intriguing double mystery." --Laury Egan, author of The Firefly
***
""When a man claiming to be Sam's long-lost love shows up at his door over thirty years later, it begins a series of harrowing events which will forever change his life. Rick R. Reed is a master storyteller, digging into the psyche of each character to provide insight and various perspectives of what happened that fateful night in 1986 to Jeb, and how those events continue to impact his characters three decades later. The twists and revelations will keep you wondering what the truth is until you reach the last page." ~Jodi Zeramby, Launch Point Press publisher and author of Undertow, You Matter, and Musings of a Madwoman (under the pen name Jazzy Mitchell)

THE SECRETS WE KEEP Is Now Out in Audiobook!

 

David Allen Vargo narrates my haunting May/December #romance.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Jasper Warren is a happy-go-lucky young man in spite of the tragedy that’s marred his life. He’s on a road to nowhere with his roommate, Lacy, whom he adores, and a dead-end retail job in Chicago.

And then everything changes in a single night. Though Jasper doesn’t know it, his road is going somewhere after all. This time when tragedy strikes, it brings with it Lacy’s older, wealthy, sexy uncle Rob. Despite the heart-wrenching circumstances, an immediate connection forms between the two men.

But the secrets between them test their attraction. Will their revelations destroy the bloom of new love… or encourage it to grow?

Click here to get your copy!

My Collection of Love Stories Light and Dark, ECLECTIC MIX TAPE, is Now OUT!

 

#ReleaseDay! My collection of 15 #love stories (light & dark), ECLECTIC MIX TAPE is out today! And it's on sale JMS Books for 45% off: only $3.29 thru May 29.

Or grab a copy Amazon Kindle.

Paperback coming soon!

ABOUT THE BOOK

The stories in this collection by best-selling author Rick R. Reed range from laugh-out-loud funny to tear-inducing poignancy, to get-your-hackles-up scary to fan-yourself erotic. Within the pages, you’re sure to find something to titillate, delight, provoke thoughts, and induce tears -- maybe all in one story.

As diverse as this collection is, each story speaks to the power of love -- how it unites us, how it can free us, how it can imprison us, and, most of all, how it redeems us.

Love speaks to our greater good, our most cherished dreams, and our deep need for connection. Revel in these fifteen tales and discover a world populated by people who want the most cherished of all human connections and who find it, often in the most unusual of places.

Sissies Rule: A Little Taste of BIG LOVE

ABOUT THE BOOK

Teacher Dane Bernard is a gentle giant, loved by all at Summitville High School. He has a beautiful wife, two kids, and an easy rapport with staff and students alike. But Dane has a secret, one he expects to keep hidden for the rest of his life—he’s gay. But when he loses his wife, Dane finally confronts his attraction to men.

A new teacher, Seth Wolcott, immediately catches his eye. Seth is also starting over, licking his wounds from a breakup, and the last thing Seth wants is another relationship—but when he spies Dane on his first day at Summitville High, his attraction is immediate and electric.

As the two men enter into a dance of discovery and new love, they’re called upon to come to the aid of bullied gay student Truman Reid. Truman is out and proud, which not everyone at his small-town high school approves of. As the two men work to help Truman ignore the bullies and love himself without reservation, they all learn life-changing lessons about coming out, coming to terms, acceptance, heartbreak, and falling in love.

EXCLUSIVE EXCERPT

Truman leaned against the sink in the bathroom, examining his face closely. Both Mr. Wolcott and Mr. Bernard told him essentially the same thing: be true to yourself.

Don’t hide it.

Don’t be ashamed of it.

Who was he, anyway?

He was exactly what all the bullies tormented him about. He was a big sissy. There was no denying it. He had realized, through the long, sleepless night before his return to school today, that he had two choices when it came to being that sissy.

One: he could butch it up and pretend to be someone else. Just like he found glorious retro finds at the Goodwill, he knew he could also find a Carhartt jacket, work boots, jeans, and flannel shirts in a multitude of hues. Or he could go for the jock look—sneaks, sweatpants, and a sports logo’d T-shirt or sweatshirt. He could give himself a buzz cut and leave his curly blond locks on the bathroom floor. He could work to change his walk to a John Wayne swagger. He could pitch his voice lower. He could withdraw so deep down inside himself that no one would recognize him.

And that damn sissy, the one who had caused him so much trouble, would be banished, never to be seen again. Not even in the mirror.

Or…

Two: he could embrace who he was. Celebrate his inner and outer sissy. As Patsy had told him, time and time again, he was just as the Lord had made him. “The Lord,” Patsy always said, “doesn’t make mistakes, honey. It’s that simple. If there were anything wrong with who or what you are, you wouldn’t have been born that way. And believe me, you were born that way. I saw it with my own eyes.”

Being a sissy didn’t have to mean he was weak. It didn’t have to mean he was like a girl—and even if he was like a girl, so what? Why was that something bad? Why was that something to be ridiculed? Girls could be strong and smart—so what if he emulated them? His own mother was one, and look at her. She didn’t have much, but she took care of him and loved him fiercely…with an adoration and protectiveness that verged on ferocious.

He was a sissy. The choice—which was never a choice at all—was clear. He had to be who he was, to play the cards he’d been dealt. If he didn’t… well, he’d just be cheating.

And even if there were a way he could change, the one person he’d never be able to hide his true self from was himself. And what a horror that would be, to go through life masquerading as someone else.

No. Whether he was good or whether he was bad was immaterial.

He was Truman.

He stepped back away from the sink to admire himself in the mirror, and he gasped and then laughed—just a little. The person looking back at him was still him, but a stronger, more concentrated version.

A more beautiful version. His soul shone through.

Today might be a horrible day. But it was going to be on his own terms.

He turned for himself in the mirror once more. It was a good thing Patsy had worked herself to exhaustion the night before, because Truman had used the bathroom for two hours to get himself ready for school.
He paused before opening the bathroom door and heading out. He paused to blow himself a kiss in the mirror.

BUY THE BOOK

NineStar Press 

Amazon Kindle 

Amazon paperback 
Audiobook 

BLINK and the 1980s

When I go back and re-read portions of Blink, my memoirish (I admit it!) gay love story, it takes me down memory lane—and back to my twenties. 

Youth isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! I was 23 years old in 1981, when the first part of the book takes place and I was big in denial of my gay self. So big, in fact, that I was engaged to be married to my (female) college sweetheart. A large part of the first section of the book deals with two young men being attracted to one another on one of Chicago’s L trains.

Both of them had issues. The character modeled after me, Andy, had more issues that Carlos, the character Andy lusts after, to his great shame. But even Carlos, out at the time, but still not so proud, struggles a bit with his sexuality, which is evident from this little taste from Blink, taken from Chapter 2 and written from Carlos’ point of view.

EXCERPT
The guy obviously has a thing for me. I’ve caught him staring now a couple of times and, hey, I’m flattered. He’s cute. No, maybe that’s not a strong enough word. He’s handsome, with green eyes and dark wavy hair that clues me into some sort of Mediterranean heritage. Italian maybe? Greek?

Whatever. Maybe the word I’m looking for is hot.

I can imagine kissing him and the feel of his dark, bushy mustache against mine.

I don’t ride the train to meet men. I don’t do much to meet men, period, to be perfectly honest. I ride the train in the mornings simply to get to St. Philomena elementary school on the west side, where I teach fourth grade.

I’m okay with being gay. I wasn’t always, hence my stint in the seminary where I studied to be a priest. I learned pretty quickly, by the grace of god, and the hands and mouth of a fellow seminarian, that the priesthood was not work I was cut out for. Not if I wanted to live my life honestly, anyway.

So I left. I had already gotten my teaching degree, concurrent with my seminarian studies, so the job at St. Phil’s, low-paying as it was, was a natural fit.

But I digress. I’m trying to sort out my feelings for this sweetheart on the train. I know he’s gay too. I know he’s attracted. But I also know that nothing will ever come of it.

Why? Because I can see that, when our eyes meet, he’s filled with shame and guilt. I recognize his remorse because I cloaked myself in that dark, heavy fabric myself for many years.

And maybe still do, a little, to this day. The Church teaches us that same-sex feelings are to be avoided. They are not of our natural order. We should turn our sights away from our own sex and devote them instead to loving and pleasing the Lord.

Yeah, good luck with that.

The Lord created that cute guy that gives me the eye on the train, the one I feel this probably misplaced connection with. What is it about him that makes me think of him all the time? Why do I hope he’ll be in my train car every time I step on to it in the morning, even though most times he’s not? Why do I try and quickly scan the windows of the train as it rumbles into the station for a glimpse of him?

Is it just because he’s cute?

There are cute men, hunks, whatever, all around. I occasionally venture out to the intersection of Grand Avenue and Clark to the New Flight bar for happy hour and bring one of them home. Or I head up farther north to the Loading Zone on Oak, where I can watch free porn in the back or dance up front. Somebody usually brings me home.

I never make any lasting connections. I don’t even know if want to. Shame lingers on me like the scent of cigarette smoke after leaving those places.

But there’s something about the guy on the train. He tugs at my heart as well as my loins. Even from the brief glances we exchange, he makes me think there’s the possibility of more than just sex. He makes me think, for the first time in my young life, that maybe I could love another man.

And that terrifies me.

Read more of Blink to see where this flirtation on the train takes these two—does it take them to love? And how long does it take for them to get there?

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ABOUT THE BOOK
Life can change in the blink of an eye. That's a truth Andy Slater learns as a young man in 1982, taking the Chicago 'L' to work every morning. Andy's life is laid out before him: a good job, marriage to his female college sweetheart, and the white picket fence existence he believes in. But when he sees Carlos Castillo for the first time, Carlos’s dark eyes and Latin appeal mesmerize him. Fate continues to throw them together until the two finally agree to meet up. At Andy’s apartment, the pent-up passion of both young men is ignited, but is snuffed out by an inopportune and poorly-timed phone call.

Flash forward to present day. Andy is alone, having married, divorced, and become the father of a gay son. He’s comfortable but alone and has never forgotten the powerful pull of Carlos’s gaze on the 'L' train. He vows to find him once more, hoping for a second chance. If life can change in the blink of an eye, what will the passage of thirty years do? To find out, Andy begins a search that might lead to heartache and disappointment or a love that will last forever….

My Semi-Autobiographical Novel, UNRAVELING, is Now Out in Audiobook

 

Thrilled to announce David Allen Vargo, narrator extraordinaire, has lent his vocal and production talents to UNRAVELING, my most autobiographical work to date--it's essentially my #comingout story.

The #audiobook is available here.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Randy Kay has the perfect life with his beautiful wife and adorable son. But Randy's living a lie, untrue to himself and everyone who knows him. He's gay.

Marriage and fatherhood, which he thought could change him, have failed. He doubts if anyone can love him for who he really is--especially himself.

With his wife's blessing, he sets out to explore the gay world he's hidden from all his life.

John Walsh, a paramedic with the Chicago Fire Department, is comfortable in his own skin as a gay man, yet he can never find someone who shares his desire to create a real relationship, a true family.

When Randy and John first spy each other in Chicago's Boystown, all kinds of alarms go off--some of joy, others of deep-seated fear.

Randy and John must surmount multiple hurdles on the journey to a lasting, meaningful love. Will they succeed or will their chance at love go up in flames, destroyed by missed connections and a lack of self-acceptance?

READER REVIEW

This is such a heartfelt story and absolutely feels like it comes from a place of personal insight and experience. Growing up I knew men like Randy, who were married to women [often for decades], and eventually gathered their courage and risked everything to come out. I found this book to be incredibly honest in its depictions of how Randy struggles with his sexuality. How he navigates through his journey of living openly as a gay man. All while trying to maintain the relationship with his [ex] wife and discovering/forging new connections. The portrayals of the MCs and their perspectives read so genuinely and truly gives you a sense of the landscape of what life was like in the mid 1980's in Boystown Chicago while AIDS forever altered this community.

David Allen Vargo gives a stellar performance on the audio... there are quite a few musical inserts throughout - which was unusual for me - and ended up rather enjoying how they added to the narrative.

Prefer a more visual experience? Read the book. Ebook Paperback

The #audiobook is available here.

New and Notable: STOP THE WEDDING by RJ Scott

 STOP THE WEDDING (A Snowed Inn Story) by RJ Scott

𝗦𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 ❄️ 𝗕𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀 ❄️ 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝘅𝗶𝗺𝗶𝘁𝘆!

ABOUT THE BOOK

One drunken phone call with a desperate plea for help, and Patrick races to stop his best friend from marrying the wrong man.

Patrick never stopped loving Declan, even if he did shove him away at graduation when they kissed. His alpha-type brothers and father, with all their firefighter history, would never accept him being bi, or understand his need to step outside of the family firm and be a cop. So, he hides how he feels, and ends up losing the only man he’s ever really loved. The only reconciliation they tried was on the night he found out Declan was engaged, and he never imagined he’d have a chance to make things right. That is, until he receives a desperate phone call from Declan asking to be rescued. Through travel chaos and storms, Patrick finally reaches the venue in the Colorado mountains, but with an empty wedding room and no sign of Declan or the fiancé, he knows he’s too late.

All too familiar with rejection, jilted by his fiancé on his wedding day, and lost, Declan has no idea what comes next. He never imagined he’d be entirely alone after his former fiancé and the wedding party leave, or that an avalanche would trap him in the hotel over Christmas. And worse? Patrick is in the hotel with him and won’t leave him alone. Sharing a room with his former best friend is the last thing Declan wants, but maybe nature has given him a sign that he needs to confront the past and find a way to move on with his life. If only it was easy to fall out of love with the man who holds your heart.

All the books in the Snowed Inn collection are standalone stories and can be read in any order.

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